Quick post while i'm supposed to be working but instead i'm thinking

Fate has a strange way of working
For me, I have always hated my last name. People always struggle to pronounce it, and every time we have to do something in alphabetical order, I am always somewhere in the front. And alphabetical seating plans usually put me near someone I don't really like.

This is an example of a day where I heard we were in a seating plan, rolled my eyes and prepared myself for a "great year"

But its moments like this where I find the good in the situation. Thinking back… If I didn't have this annoying last name "Bercini" I wouldn't have been seated where I was seated in year 10 English, I wouldn't have been seated across from him and the first staring contest wouldn't have occurred and wow life would be different.

Is it love? (from April)

On the 27th of April 2015, after talking to someone special, I lie in bed with crazy thoughts going through my head, did this guy love me? Did I love him? I stare at the ceiling for an hour with these thoughts. I then hop on to my blog and write the following

 "So lately I've been thinking about a specific guy and he's everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend.

Now as mentioned in a previous post, I haven't had a serious boyfriend before. So right now I am faced with a question.... "Is it love?"
Like, I feel like....uh it's unexplainable.
He knows me inside out, hes really cute and funny. He's probably one of the best guys i've ever met. And personality? His personality is amazing.
OK I really like him.
But I don't wanna tell him directly as I don't wanna ruin the great friendship between us if he doesn't feel the same way.

Maybe I will tell him one day but until then, this is going on the internet for the world (and possibly him) to see. "

This was never published until now 

And it wasn't long after that I told him about these feelings.

Last night I found this unpublished post and remembered debating myself whether to publish or not. I ended up not publishing it straight away because I was embarrassed, I didn't want him to see it. Since then, he has become my boyfriend and I have told him about this post and he said I should publish it.

So that is how you are reading this.

That's all for now folks
Stay Awesome

50 facts about me

I have a lot of time on my hands so I thought I would try to type as many facts about myself that I can before running out of facts.

HERE GOES NOTHING

1. My name is Callie Ann Rose Bercini
2. Rose is my confirmation name, she is apparently the saint of charity?
3. "Ann" is a middle name that has been passed down from my great grandmother who's name is Ann, my nan is Kerrie Ann, mum is Jodie Ann, I am Callie Ann and my little sister chose "anne" as her confirmation name so she wouldn't feel left out.
4. I actually really don't like introducing myself as "Callie" I hate how I say it because I just hate the sound of it so sometimes I introduce myself as "Cal"
5. I hate it when people mispronounce my last name, whenever I order a pizza and they ask for my last name, I say "Watson" because it is my mums maiden name.
6. I have just wrote 5 facts based on my name
7. I find this amusing
8. My eyes are blue but I have been told that they change colour sometimes.
9. I love superheroes and Batman
10. My favourite singer is Michael Jackson
11. I have a large collection of nicknames these include: grimmie, grimsta, war-zie, wugga, sunshine, little MJ, Batman also a collection of names starting with "Cal" such as: cal-dawg, cal-pal, cal-gal and callie wally
12. I pretty much answer to anything though
13. My favourite colours are blue and purple
14. My favourite number is 4
15. I love it when people make reference to Michael Jackson songs
16. I sometimes accidentally speak in different accents which annoys me
17. I am able to recognize most MJ songs by just the drumbeat or bass line.
18. I am actually really insecure
19. My birthday is the 19th of August
20. I get embarrassed easily and am also really shy
21. I am strongly against alcohol
22. I procrastinate a lot
23. I want to be a movie director some day
24. I am not too fussy with food however I haven't eaten cheese that wasn't melted since I was little (yes I only eat cheese when it's melted) I don't like butter on bread (i know i'm weird) and yogurt unless its frozen
25. Saying all this, I would probably eat all this with a straight face in order to not be rude or cause dramas
26. I am terrible in intense situations... I laugh. People cry? I laugh. Getting yelled at? I laugh. Why? Because laughter is contagious and when people cry I want them to laugh in order to stop crying. Or maybe its just a reflex.
27. I have asthma
28. I also possibly have chronic fatigue syndrome
29. I hate being a teenager
30. I have a turtle named Crush and my sister has a turtle named Squirtle
31. I quote MJ songs in every day life all the time
32. I see dead people and have predicted the future before multiple times
33. I love travelling
34. I really don't understand myself
35. I am really forgetful sometimes
36. I don't follow trends too often
38. apparently I can't count
38  37. I have a burning desire to help people
38. I have thought of suicide in the past but I'm still here
39. I often over think things
40. I am a wallflower
41. when I was younger, I wanted to be an author
42. But I think film is best for me
43. I have a wide music taste and am open to new music but fear that one day people will be listening to music that has no feeling
44. I am keen for the future but also slightly scared
45. I look up to many people
46. I trust too many people
47.  I am running out of facts
48. I have a youtube channel.... you should check it out "grimstaroxx"
49. I will make it to 50 facts and then I will stop
50. I try to make my own life interesting for you all, and yeah you just read 50 facts
 

My first kiss

Okay HELLO EVERYONE IT'S STORY TIME
Today I thought I would share with you my first kiss story
As I mentioned earlier, I have only just got into my first relationship (2 months today)
So as an inexperienced kisser, I was a little bit scared and nervous when my boyfriend said he was going to kiss me.
The next day at school, my hands shook as I thought about what he'd said the night before, and then he looked at me with a lot of love in his eyes. I was afraid of kissing him because I didn't want to disappoint him even though I knew that he wouldn't care too much if I was a terrible kisser.
So a whole school day passed and we were on the bus, our friends wanted us to kiss, I wanted to kiss him but was afraid of failing at it and making him hate me for it.
Weird fear right?

ANYWAY
For me it was my first kiss, he'd kissed people before so he knew what he was doing.
So as the bus got closer to his bus stop he moved n closer to me and his lips pressed up to mine, I was scared of judgement so I said "sorry, that was terrible"
What. The. Feck? YOU DON'T SAY THAT!!

Its a gift I have, say the wrong thing.
He laughed and said "Wanna try again?"
So we kissed again.
I don't know what it was, how you could classify it. But I felt so embarrassed that i'd failed and said "I'm so sorry, I'm bad at this"
He wrapped his arms around me, and I think we were hugging for like 10 seconds as he said "It's okay, you're alright" I buried my face into his shoulder in attempt to hide my embarrassment.

My first kiss was interesting but this is what happens when you are an awkward teen. Would I kiss him again? Hell yeah! Although it was slightly awkward, I felt so alive and knowing that he still loves me even if i'm a bad kisser brought so much happiness into my life.
It has taken 3 days for me to be able to write about this and finally get my thoughts into words.
Just wanted to say I fecking love my boyfriend!

When people say they want to be just like me.

It has been in recent years when I have had a number of people tell me that they want to be just like me.
How do I feel about this?

Well...
You don't want to be like me.
Really you really don't.

I mean sure it may seem great to you.
But please don't be like me.

As a youngster, I always imagined myself to grow up to be carefree, to be free spirited, I imagined exactly what I would look like. I didn't have any scars (not self harm scars.... I hate it when people mention scars and get automatically labelled as depressed like haven't you people ever heard of life scars, you know from unintentional harm?) in my vision, I was tanned, my eyes were more blue, my figure was slimmer, my confidence was higher.

I grew up to be NOTHING like i'd visioned myself to be.

Slight disappointment

I never thought I would grow up to be an awkward kid filled with anxieties and crazy unimaginable stress.

I never thought I would be consumed by these anxieties. I never thought I would be a victim of panic attacks over small things.

And sure, my life has gotten significantly better in the past year, some may see my achievements as an inspiration. But young child, you do not want to be just like me. I am a confused mess behind closed doors, on the surface I am cool, calm and collected but underneath I am probably on the verge of a panic attack or having/ losing an argument with myself.

Stay awesome guys and please serve as your own inspiration, create your own path. No, create your own road, your own city. Create your own life.

Singleness update

"Friday, 17 April 2015

Singleness

As a 15 year old, a common question I am asked is "Do you have a boyfriend?"
And the answer
is 
no. 

I am a single pringle 
I have been for a while
in fact, my first boyfriend was a boy named Jayden or something. I was 4 and he was a little older. We met once a week at his house because my uncle had guitar lessons there and I would always go along.
Each week he would ask me the same question "Are you my girlfriend?"
Each week I would say yes.

THEN CAME THE BREAK UP

I don't know exactly what happened but I remember this...

we were saying our goodbyes 

when suddenly 

Jayden's little brother stabbed me with a car key just missing my eye.

There was blood running down my face.

I NEVER SAW THEM AGAIN

Fast Forward to today....

I haven't had a boyfriend since but am still often asked "Do you have a boyfriend."

This really gets me thinking...

Do I want a boyfriend?

The answer is yes BUT it has to be the right guy. 

• Someone who's funny with an amazing personality 
• Someone who's supportive
• Someone who can handle my love for Michael Jackson
• Someone who has taken the time to really know and understand me
• They must like superheroes and roller coasters 
• They need to be able to cope with me going away without any jealousy BECAUSE I can't stay in one place
• They also must like travelling

Do I see my Prince Charming liking me in the near future? Do I even see my Prince Charming? Well... I don't know really.

I would like a boyfriend but I would be so awkward as a girlfriend and would probably have no clue what to do haha. "

              

Oops! I made an error...

Hang on

let me fix that

As a 15 year old, a common question I am asked is "Do you have a boyfriend?"
And the answer
is 
YES

Story time

High school- they're the years where the adults say "they're the best years of your life"
Where the students say "Small fish, big ocean"
Teachers say "Study hard" and "this prepares you for the real world"
AND parents give advice after telling everyone that "he/she/xe grew up so fast"

Some advice I was given before I went to high school was to make new friends because people change.
I wish i'd listened to that advice sooner...
It's no secret that I can be a little bit awkward in the friends department.
You probably already know about my friendship with "Kate" and how it all turned sour.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT

I could have listened to the advice I was given
But I stayed with Kate and Kate only.
Sure I had some side friends.
But Kate was my only real friend
Kinda sad writing that... Ouch!

ANYWAY!!!!

Being friends with just Kate and looking back on it, I turned into something i'm not.
Kate had a very fiery personality.
She had a short temper, would pick fights with anyone, would often swear and call people insulting names. She basically was everything i'm not.
I DON'T TALK TO KATE ANYMORE SO I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S CHANGED OR NOT.

So me being me, I just went along with everything Kate did. Why? Because I wanted a place to belong. I felt accepted by her, we had thoughts of having children of our own and making them become best friends like we were.

Do I miss it? Probably...
Would I go back to it? NO!
Why?
Toxic friendships aren't made to last. I don't ever want to be someone i'm not.

SOME OF MY BEST MEMORIES ARE WITH KATE.
How do I feel about this?
A little sad, but hopeful for the future, that i'll create more memories with other people.



So that's my blog post for today... Sorry it's not a light and happy one but uh it happens.
Stay Awesome

MY VIEWS AND A GOAL FOR THE FUTURE

Please don't judge me okay?

I work at maccas (McDonalds) part time/casual.

Now again, this is just how I view the whole situation, how I interpret this event so don't be too quick to judge okay?

Right

Here we go.

So I was at work one day when a family came in with their son. The young boy was about 6 maybe 7 years old. He had clear disabilities, hearing aids on both ears and his mouth/jaw structure wasn't fully developed. 

I don't have very much experience with disabled people. My natural instinct was to smile. 

He started talking to me. 

THEN HIS PARENTS STOPPED HIM FROM TALKING TO ME 

And they said "Now buddy, this is why we speak for you in public." They then apologized to me for him speaking to me and ordered their meals.

They were embarrassed of their son!! 

It all happened too fast 

But today I really got a chance to think about it. 

It made me think, what if I was the boy? He probably didn't think much different of it but when he gets older, would he think that maybe his independence is non existent? How will his confidence be?

And now I have a goal for the future.

I want to be a film director when I am older. I want to open acting classes for young disabled people to build their confidence and give them something to live for, something to make their parents proud with.

Now i'm just rambling on 

Stay awesome people  

Things I do that I really shouldn't

We all do things at some point in our lives that we know we really shouldn't do. 
I am guilty of doing things I know I shouldn't do.
Here are just a few examples.

• Evaluate my life at least 3 times a day.:  YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT, THREE TIMES A DAY... AT LEAST. This is one of those things which I start to do and tell myself "No don't do it. Don't do it.... And you're still doing it." Now on a whole, my life is pretty good, there are people who have it worse off than me. BUT my anxiety and insecurity just won't accept that. So I often find myself sitting down, literally evaluating my life. EVERY LITTLE THING IS PICKED APART AND ADDED TO THE FINAL EVALUATION. 
• The accidental accent:   Occasionally, in mid conversation, my accent changes and I have to find my natural accent. This annoys people because sometimes it makes it hard for people to understand what I am saying.
• Laughing when people cry or during intense moments:  "Oh Callie, you're a horrible person!" YES I GET IT! But wait a minute, hear me out. This happened on mothers day. I wrote something nice on the mothers day card for my Nan. SHE CRIED.... What did I do? what was my initial reaction? LAUGHTER! Now WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I LAUGH?!?! BECAUSE.... When people cry, I really don't like it. I hate it when people cry, I don't like people being sad. LAUGHTER is contagious, IF I LAUGH, THE PERSON WHO IS SAD MAY LAUGH! (or they may see me as an insensitive a$$hole) I tend to see the light in the situation and occasionally crack a joke in intense or sad moments. STOP JUDGING ME OKAY?!?
• Grammar Police: This one is self explanatory, when I see bad grammar, or people using the wrong "your/you're" the wrong "two/to/too" or the wrong "there/their/they're" I go grammar police. This is one thing which I have eased up on. I only do it occasionally now. 
• Shy stuttering and stammering: This is something I HATE doing. I could be having a normal conversation with friends when BOOM! Stuttering! Or a sudden burst of shyness, stammer and stutter on my words and eventually wanna go die in a hole from embarrassment. 
• Deny compliments:  I could be the most loved person in the universe, most people could have only good things to say about me. BUT AT THAT MOMENT WHEN SOMEONE COMPLIMENTS ME-- Denial.  DENIAL, I just can't accept compliments.... Why? I don't know. Another thing, I don't know how to react to certain situations. *my boyfriend asked me out and my response was "yeah, sure, okay"* Another strange thing, I can't accept compliments, but accept an insult with ease. 

Well that's all from me today
Stay Awesome

Have I got Aspergers?

I have already mentioned how I went through a stage where I was convinced that I had aspergers syndrome.
My uncle has Aspergers, so I've kinda grown up around it.
SO WHAT IS IT?
"Asperger syndrome is one of the autism spectrum disorders (ASD). This means that people with Asperger syndrome can display a wide range of behaviours and social skills, and no two individuals will have the same set of characteristics. 

Some people will demonstrate skills that are mostly in line with their peers, while others may present with ‘odd’ behaviours. Other people will appear to be significantly different from their peers."
- http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/asperger%27s_syndrome 

Characteristics

I have highlighted the ones that relate to me 

• Difficulty in forming friendships
• A preference for playing alone or with older children and adults
• Apparently good language skills, but difficulty with communication. Language may be considered to be very advanced or ‘precocious’ when compared to their peers. The person may be able to talk extensively on a topic of interest, but have difficulty with more practical tasks such as recounting the day’s events, telling a story, or understanding jokes and sarcasm
• A lack of appreciation that communication involves listening as well as talking. For instance, they may not allow their communication partner an opportunity to engage in the conversation
• A very literal understanding of what has been said. For example, when asked to ‘get lost’ (go away) a person with Asperger syndrome will likely become confused and may literally try to ‘get lost’
• Inability to understand the rules of social behaviour, the feelings of others and difficulty ‘reading’ body language. For example, a person with Asperger syndrome may not understand that someone is showing that they are unhappy by frowning
• Behaviour varies from mildly unusual, eccentric or ‘odd’, to quite aggressive and difficult
• Having rules and rituals that they insist all family members follow
• Anger and aggression when things do not happen as they want
• Sensitivity to criticism
• A narrow field of interests. For example a person with Asperger syndrome may focus on learning all there is to know about cars, trains or computers.

 Mum thought that my obsessions, social awkwardness and the fact that I talk to older people than people my own age displayed that of an autistic child 

I went on to check various websites and quizzes to see if I had it. I spoke to my Nan about it, the quizzes said yes, my Nan said that although I may not have it, some people still have the characteristics of it without actually having it. 
I thought about this for a year! Then I thought a bit more. 
MAYBE I'm just introverted? 
Characteristics of an introvert include

• Very self-aware
• Thoughtful
• Enjoys understanding details
• Interested in self-knowledge and self-understanding
• Tends to keep emotions private
• Quiet and reserved in large groups or around unfamiliar people
• More sociable and gregarious around people they know well
• Learns well through observation

- http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/f/introversion.htm

Now, I relate to all this so it might just be that. 

Anyway that's all from me today.

STAY AWESOME!

The story of my life

So you already know a lot about me but i was thinking, what if i were to write an autobiography, this is kinda the reason for this blog. Actually getting my story out there and making a difference to someones life.
Anyway here is a bit of my story:

I was born on the 19th of August 1999, the middle child stuck in between my half brother Dylan and my little sister Tegan. 
I grew up in Rutherford, as a youngster I loved climbing trees with a passion I was also interested in all kinds of nature we once had a lizard in the front garden who I named 'Lucas'. As a kid, I remember me and my bro used to dress up a lot he would be Spider-Man and I would either be batman or Wonder Woman. I remember when we would sit in the sandpit in our backyard and catch ants. Dylan used to tell me to feed them... But I never did, they all died. 
My nan tells me this story of when dad used to work on his car (he is a mechanic) and I would go under the car and "help" him. Apparently I would come out from under the car with grease on my face. 
When I was about 3 I started having breathing problems, I was diagnosed with asthma. I don't really remember it in exact detail but I just kept living life. 
One day when I was probably 4 years old, my dad had this bulky video camera. When dad was hungover a and mum was at work, I picked it up and did a bit of filming with it. I don't know what I did... The footage is lost but mum still brings it up to this day. I dream to one day expose all the old home videos and maybe recreate a couple. 

In pre school it's safe to say I was a cry baby. I was always the kid who cried on the way to school and when my parents left- but this didn't just last a few weeks, this lasted ages. I was so attached to my mum. Now, I am gonna mention something that all my close buds know. When I was 3 or 4 I was always having nightmares of death and stuff like that. My mum gave me this purple teddy bear with a picture of grapes on him and he smelled like grapes. I called him grapie. Anyone who's known me long enough knows that I still sleep with this teddy. 

When I started 'big school' in 2005 I think I had like one friend her name was Maddison, but even though she was my friend I still sat alone at lunch time...I was the teachers pet who no one really liked. I used to sit under a tree and dig in the dirt for worms, sometimes I would come home with rocks and sticks in my pocket- believe me I was one strange child. 

2006, what do I remember from that year? Still being the strange kid who never spoke. I remember going to America with my uncles and grand parents and having a blast at Disneyland, I remember doing a lot of writing. Stories and poetry were things I often had running through my head. I still made friends but again didn't hang with them... Why? Because I always considered myself an outsider, the Lone Ranger, here one minute gone the next. Although I was free- I didn't have anyone constantly calling me over to sit with them, I didn't have to make space on my calendar for many play dates. I was very lonely and often found myself enjoying the company of year 5 kids and at home adults are my personal conversation preference.

In good old year 2007, I made friends and actually hung around with them I did however get in a bit of trouble with my year two teacher and now, looking back I just laugh at what stupid things they were. One of the things I remember was colouring when the teacher was talking. I thought it was the end of the world when I got in trouble for that! Also in that year I started karate with Josie. It was on a Friday we had to do it. I think I lasted a year or two before throwing that out the window. Karate was a confusing thing for me, we learnt some weird routine thing which I didn't understand. The real reason why I quit was because every second Friday my brother would come over and stay for the weekend. Karate seemed to go forever and by the time I was home I either was too tired to talk to my bro or too hyped up and in attack mode. I quit to spend time with my bro.

in 2008, i made a few more friends and met this girl, lets call her Kate, you'll hear more about her later. During this year, I wrote a story and the assistant principle liked it and photo copied it for her own family members.One thing that people always tell me is how bad my handwriting is, the assistant principle at my school was no exception, she acknowledged my handwriting but also gave me some advice. She said to me "Cal, our world is progressing quickly. New technology is coming out and soon, you won't need neat handwriting, you'll be able to just type it up!"  At our school we were mixed classes (year 3 and 4) we had a different teacher for maths, English and home room. In my English class, there were 3 people from my year including myself and the teacher was amazing.

In 2009, Kate and I became close friends and I discovered an amazing and talented guy who also passed away that year, my obsession with Michael Jackson started with the song 'black or white'. 
Year 4, i got my puppy Bindi she is a Labrador. 
I was asked a question from my teachers about computers and she sent me to a gifted and enrichment day for computers, I was told that only 2 people from each grade were chosen per school for this day and it was an honour to go to that day. My parents were very proud of me for doing that. 

In 2010 and 2011, my love for writing became a big thing and I started doing a bit of public speaking I think it's safe to say that year five and six were my two favourite years I had the BEST teachers and I had confidence and belief in myself in year six we had to write a debate like speech every morning, then we would split into groups, read out our speech then the other people in the group would vote for the best. They would then have to say it in front of the class. I was always chosen and surprisingly I loved it! It was like my shyness was on a two year holiday, whatever happened to that kid with the confidence I will never know. In year 6, my neighbour Bryce came over saying that he'd joined a volunteer organisation called St. John Ambulance. I didn't do anything out side of school so I thought why not give it a go? And the result? I am still into it and glad I joined. I did however get teased a bit at school people mixing cadets up with scouts and at that time, girl guides were the thing that EVERY girl did. I also did a fair share of travelling those years like to USA in 2010 and New Zealand in 2011.

In 2012 I learned to ALWAYS bring your diary to class, never put your hand under a desk, do your homework and stay under the radar. I mainly hung around with Kate and another friend I had. The other people I had met in primary school still sat together but me? Nope I stayed with one girl. Looking back I think I could have made other friends as well as the friends I had but nope I didn't. Kate and I were inseparable, people often asked if we were lovers, sisters, cousins etc but we told them that we were just best friends.
We were walking into class one day when I forgot my diary so the teacher grabbed me by the collar just as I was walking in the door, he dragged me out and just got me to stand there until I realized I had left my diary in my bag- oops I was so embarrassed. The grades weren't too bad, I got straight A's in Japanese and I possibly made an enemy with my English teacher.

Year 8. The year that tore me apart. Well remember Kate? Yeah well she broke me to pieces at the start of the year. Found some new friends and then just suddenly didn't wanna talk to me, I trusted her with everything and not talking to her killed me inside. Whenever someone asked about her I just shrugged, if I told them about what had happened and they talked bad about her I stopped them, I'm not the type of person who works on the trust of somebody then talks shit about them. I didn't talk to her for 4 months before she sent me a long apologetic message, I forgave her but that piece of me is gone now, that close friendship will probably never happen again with anyone friends are so hard to make for me but are so easily lost, from that friendship I learned to not make close friendships anymore, if I tell you something about my life you must be pretty special. In year 8 I discovered a talent I had- drums, I could hold a beat for 10 minutes straight, I think I hung around with 5 people that whole year and my enemy English teacher got me for English again that year. I also got into state first aid comps with two girls from another division Emily Dando and Maddison Baldwin we won state I know that we wouldn't have won state without the help of the fantastic trainers, even though we only trained a few times there were moments when I was probably holding the team back as I was shy and didn't know them that well. on the state comps I learnt to always keep up the communication or you will be doing CPR for a really REALLY long time. In 2013 i started to think that maybe I had autism- Aspergers to be exact. All the symptoms suited me to a point where it was just scary. Mum often joked about me having it to the point where I took online quizzes which all seemed to point to Aspergers but whether I do or not I don't know, 

We then progressed to nationals which included going to an international cadet camp (ICC) I had only ever been on 2 school camps and they only went for three days so I was really nervous for this camp I had a lot of shit happen before it so I felt I wasn't in the right mental state for it. I thought I would hate it but I found a part of me that was missing. I made friends some made a really big impact on me like you wouldn't believe! I don't think I can ever think about hashtags again.i remember on the 4th day- the day after comps (where we came 4th) I wanted to go home because seeing my family the day before just reminded me of what had happened before the camp. Because of my social awkwardness, I often found it hard to come out of my shell and let loose. So parties aren't fun for me. But at ICC I went to a party and I had fun I enjoyed myself. But an overwhelming sadness came over me that night. It was the last night. Sometimes if I dream hard enough I feel like I am back there, in team devils with my awesome room mates.

Since then? WOW! I have experienced soo much!! 

Here are some highlights since then 

• One of my short films was screened in Melbourne 
• Went to Japan on a two week student exchange
• Competed in State first aid comps 
• Competed in National first aid comps in Darwin(came 3rd) 
• Got a job!! 
• Finally recognized my true potential 
• And made some awesome friends who i can finally rely on!

Let's talk about friends

I have often struggled to make friends 
I often speak about the amazing friends I've got at the moment.
But this is because I finally have truly awesome friends.
And I don't just say that, my friends are really amazing.

And back in primary school, I found it hard to connect with people my own age. My best friend in pre-school was my teacher! So when thrown into primary school, I found the kids hard to talk to, NOT because I found them rude or annoying but because I was shy.
I had like 2 friends in kindergarten to year 3. But I still didn't feel like I belonged! 
But then in year 4, I made a new friend. This was someone who I felt accepted me for who I was. There was never a dull moment with her. We were really close, visiting each other's houses every weekend we were just a part of the furniture. 
Finally I belonged in a real friendship. 
BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW IT WAS ALL GOING TO END

Then in 2013, something happened that changed me she broke me to pieces at the start of the year. Found some new friends and then just suddenly didn't wanna talk to me, I trusted her with everything and not talking to her killed me inside. Whenever someone asked about her I just shrugged, if I told them about what had happened and they talked bad about her I stopped them, I'm not the type of person who works on the trust of somebody then talks shit about them. I didn't talk to her for 4 months before she sent me a long apologetic message, I forgave her but that piece of me is gone now, that close friendship will probably never happen again with anyone friends are so hard to make for me but are so easily lost, from that friendship I learned to not make close friendships anymore. I haven't spoken to her since then. why? Because I looked back on the whole ordeal one day and noticed that she was slowly manipulating me, I had turned into a real jerk when I was around her. 

After that whole ordeal, my social skills seemed to be stripped away from me. I struggled even more. 

BUT SINCE THEN 

• I have made new friends 
• Have achieved many things I could have never imagined 
• I have worked out who my friends are
• I even made a speech to all of my year group at school 

The friends I have now are amazing, I wouldn't trade them in for the universe. 

Why I changed

When I was a youngster, my dream was to be a writer. Every day I would get a new idea, and I would write a narrative about it. 
I took a break from writing when I hit highschool... A lot happened in 2012 and I did something I regret to this day, I CHANGED MYSELF. 
You hear about people who change themselves for the better... But in 2012, I changed for worse. I'm not sure what it is that caused me to change so much. But in 2011, after having an awesome teacher and a great year, I was a confident kid who made friends easily. But the years leading up to 2011, I was very different. 
Then in 2011, I was great! My life was awesome, I was prepared for ANYTHING. 

Then came 2012. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm not sure what made me change. But I do remember one thing, I hung around with the same person for the whole year. She made friends easily when we hit highschool but I didn't- it might have been the whole idea of being in a different environment or not being with my other primary school friends that made me this way. Or it could just be my natural shyness... ANYWAY! After hanging with this friend, I turned into something I know I'm not. I was a BITCH! I got into arguments a lot- Not because I started them but because I had finally made a friend which I was sure I would keep forever. The problem? This friend liked to get involved in a lot of arguments. 
Anyway... I changed so much when I hung around with her. I pushed away all my old pals from primary school, I stopped with my writing because it was "Uncool" and well, I picked up some bad habits like swearing, discriminating and stuff like that.

But I hated it... I hated what I'd become, I just couldn't turn away that easily.
So that friendship ended the next year, and I struggled even more to make friends after that. I became really shy! I became super sensitive and my trust issues were at an all time high.

I had lost countless hours of sleep and still sometimes have a cry when I think about that friendship. Why do I cry about it? Because of what I've had to deal with after the "break up"
I struggled to find friends
BUT thank god my primary school friends had my back!

Now I have made so many more friends and they are absolutely AWESOME! Where would I be without them? Probably moping around in my room.
My confidence has been found again although I still have to battle with shyness and awkwardness in social situations but that's just me, I've always been like it!

AND NOW I PROMISE TO MYSELF, THAT THIS IS MY FINAL FORM, I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY PERSONALITY AGAIN!!  

I'm sensitive

So today I decided to go through someone's facebook account who I should be really close to.
I have known this person since birth, I see them regularly.
BUT!
And this is really bugging me.
When I was going through this account, I noticed something. I started to feel a strand of jealousy and anger burn up inside me.
This feeling was caused by something so little.
And so stupid.
This feeling was caused by a single photo.
A photo of this person at their year 10 formal.
It made me a little bit sad that I wasn't a part of it.
THAT AT SOME POINT
In this person's life, I wasn't there.
AT SOME POINT
This person missed out on a part of my life.

It's funny because, I used to be really close to this person.
And now, I see them building a close relationship with Tegan.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about it all to be honest...

Procrastination

Procrastination is a bit of an issue for me. I procrastinate with everything.
In fact, I started writing this post 2 months ago. The only sentence: "Procrastination is a bit of an issue for me."
This goes to show how badly I procrastinate.

Surely this can't just be a problem for me????

My Main Goal In Life?

I am often asked, "What is your goal?" 
This is an interesting question that deserves an interesting blog post answer.

Here we go....
My Main Goal In Life.
Well first of all I would like to state the obvious and say that nobody has the perfect life. Its just fact, some have it worse than others but no ones life is PERFECT!!
A great quote I saw on facebook is "Everyone is going through something so don't be a d*ck."
This is a very simple way of putting it all.

But you see, its 100% true.... Everyone is going through something.
It could be family issues, friends issues,
it could be that, that book report is due soon and you have no clue what you're doing, it could be relationship issues or it could even be just self  insecurity.

What I am trying to say is that my life is far from perfect, everyone's is. And I don't wanna be all like "Poor me." NO if that's what you're getting out of this post, you could not be any more wrong.

My main goal in life is a simple word: INSPIRE

I want to be the person everyone looks up to, it could be through my film making, my writing, blog posts it could be through anything. My goal is to inspire. As a wannabe film maker, I want to be one of those celebrities that always have time for their fans, that donate money to charities on a regular basis, the celebrity that participates in various community activities. I want to be an approachable celebrity.Use whatever power I possess, to inspire others.

If I can inspire just one person a day, or bring a smile to their face, then I will know I've lived a fulfilling and rewarding life.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!! (Avengers, Age of Ultron review)

So for anyone who doesn't know, I love superheroes. I am a bit of a geek in that sense.
So this review may seem a little on the biased side
However, I am also a bit of a movie critic!

So I was paying close attention to effects and story line and techniques.

First thing I am going to point out is the camera angles and movement. I was sitting in the cinema and as a wannabe film director, I was amazed by the camerawork. While a lot of people would have been admiring the superheroes absolute sexiness and just simple awesomeness, I was admiring the camera work. They told the story magnificently through the camera work, they made the audience feel a part of the big action packed scenes through swift camera movements. And don't even get me started on the amazing focus work and depth of field. Woah!!

Second thing, the story line, it was constantly moving. There was never a dull moment! And the script, like any Marvel movie, had a lot of jokes and sass like more than the people from Mean Girls. It was a roller coaster of emotion, the guy next to me who is a huge marvel king went through a number of emotions, from the fan girling state of emotion, to on the verge of tears and even "my heart just stopped for a second" emotion. It was captivating and just awesome!!

Third and final element, effects and acting. One word: Perfect!
The effects were super realistic (no pun intended) and the acting.... ALSO REALISTIC!! I don't think it could have been done any better.

I'd recommend this movie to anyone!!

ANZAC DAY 100TH ANNIVERSARY

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them."

Lest We Forget

Remembering our fallen soldiers and paying our respects to those who fought for our country, that is what ANZAC day is all about. Remembering the Australians and New Zealanders who gave the ultimate sacrifice when they landed in Gallipoli 100 years ago. 

I went to the local Dawn service this morning and I must say I was a little disappointed. 
Now before you people get your caps lock on, allow me to explain. 

The local Dawn Service was very Australian based, they spoke about the Australians, sang the Australian National anthem. And I get it, I live in Australia we should sing the Aussie National anthem. BUT some people tend to forget that it's called ANZAC day. 
ANZAC stands for 

Australian
New
Zealand 
Army
Corps

The Australians got plenty of mention and it's probably fair but what about our New Zealand neighbours? Why couldn't we put their national anthem on to pay our respects to them? 

All this put aside, I would like to mention more

 about ANZAC day and the spirit of the 

ANZACs


"Australians recognise 25 April as an occasion of national remembrance, which takes two forms. Commemorative services are held at dawn – the time of the original landing – across the nation. Later in the day, former servicemen and servicewomen meet to take part in marches through the major cities and in many smaller centres. Commemorative ceremonies are more formal and are held at war memorials around the country. In these ways, Anzac Day is a time at which Australians reflect on the many different meanings of war." 
- https://www.awm.gov.au/commemoration/anzac/anzac-tradition/ 

Every year, my family attends a service but it is only recently that I have attended the Dawn Service. Sure, waking up at a ridiculous time in the morning is not pleasant but it is a small price to pay for our freedom, as the leader of the service said "For us to have a tomorrow, they gave their today."
Leaving the service, my Dad said that the sound of The Last Post being played on the bugle still sends shivers down his spine.

I have heard of young politicians who want to get rid of ANZAC day. But I don't see that happening, ANZAC day is a big part of Australia and New Zealand's identity which will possibly continue until the end of time and I am proud to have attended a service to commemorate 100 years.

Who is my hero?

You just need to step into my room to see who my hero is. He is probably the sweetest most generous and yet most misunderstood man who ever walked the planet.

 His journey of life started on the 29th of August 1958 at St Mary's Mercy Hospital in Gary, Indiana. He was the 7th child to Katherine and Joseph Jackson. Guessed who he is yet? No? Yes? Either way, here is the answer... MY HERO IS MICHAEL JACKSON!! I put that in caps so you didn't get confused.

If I was to define this man and what he means to me in one sentence... I can't, it's impossible.

Michael Joseph Jackson is not only my hero, but he is much more. Ask anyone, my life is all about mike, it has been for a long time.. People say it's weird that I follow Michael like Jesus, I quote him like a religious figure and could probably write a book about him. Maybe they're right but in my eyes Michael was God.Nothing, can ever change my view on Michael. Every day he inspires me to be a better person, everyday when I wake up and look at my magnificent collection of posters I feel like he is my guardian angel I feel him watching over me. In fact, in about December 2013, I personally went through a hard time I sat and cried but then I felt a touch on my shoulder and I swear to god I heard mikes voice telling me that it was all gonna be ok. Every day I think of how Michael has changed my life for the better, his motivational songs about war, the earth, and lies that people tell somehow make me aware of the world around me. His quotes, poems, stories, paintings and speeches often bring me to tears of joy as such talent has moonwalked into my life. He once said "I don't care if the whole world is against you, or teasing you or saying you're not gonna make it. Believe in yourself no matter what."This is a quote I live by, if someone tells me to give up... I am not going to, this quote gives me strength, as does Michael's voice and pure talent.

I am used to hearing people talking absolute trash about Michael, when they say it to me, I get all defensive but if they say it to another person, I stay out of it as much as possible. An example of when this has happened was when 2 of my friends were talking in hearing distance away from me. 

Person 1: We could always be like Michael Jackson and change our skin colour by bleaching it. 

Hearing this is nothing new to me, but the person she was talking to had heard me talk about the skin colour change issue. So I just waited for their response.

Person 2: Michael Jackson did not bleach his skin, he had a skin disease which destroyed the pigmentation in his skin.

Person 1: Yes he did, he bleached it

Person 2: It was found in the autopsy report that he did, in fact have the skin disease 

THIS WAS A BIG MOMENT FOR ME THAT MY TRAINING AND EVERY WORD I SPOKE TO THAT PERSON WENT THROUGH THEIR HEAD.

"No one should judge what I've done with my life, not unless they've been in my shoes every horrible day and every sleepless night." 

~ Michael Jackson

"I'm a black American, I am proud of my race. I am proud of who I am. I have a lot of pride and dignity. I don't understand why the press is so interested in speculating about my appearance, anyway. What does my face have to do with my music or my dancing?" 

~ Michael Jackson 

"But he's dead"

- People who  I've just met and told them that I admire Michael Jackson

Michael once said "A star can never die. It just turns into a smile and melts back into the cosmic music, the dance of life.” 
This rings true on so many levels and when people say "But he's dead" I think of this quote. 
Yes, I know Michael has passed away. But is he DEAD? No, you see he lives on through his music, his stories, his poetry and through all the people he has influenced. 

My Favourite Michael Jackson song. 

I am often asked what my favourite Michael Jackson song is. Answering this question honestly, my answer is "I don't know, like anyone's favourite song mine changes all the time. I sound like a mother when I say this, but, I love them all equally..." 

Michael had a good heart. 

DID YOU KNOW that in his lifetime, he donated over 350 million US dollars to over 39 different charities?? 

My facebook posts

So today, I decided to go through some of my old facebook posts (By "old" I mean the past year because I only got facebook last year)
And some of the things I found, made me want to share it on my blog, so here goes...

It's your life RANT

"WARNING RANT AHEAD!!
GIRLS! Hello my name is Callie, I dress for comfort not for looks. I don't wear dresses or makeup. I'm not a huge fan of jewellery. I'm into super heroes, computers and video games. You wouldn't catch me dead painting my nails. My nails are always chewed and unpolished, my face has scars, I'm not afraid to scrape up my knee and get my hands dirty. My hair is always a mess and I don't try too much with it.
If you dress to impress.... Good on you
If you wear dresses... That's fine
You wear make up?... Cool
You have lots of jewellery? That's okay
You watch chick flicks and read fashion magazines?... Hey it's your life!
You get your nails done all the time?... Glad you have the money for it.
Your skin is clear? Lucky
You like to keep clean and that? Ok have fun.
Don't think this rant is against you, I accept you if you do this BUT the moment you tell me how to live my life that is the moment when I get over you.
Rant done."

The HB RANT

"Ok RANT!
I hate it when people write "hb" instead of "happy birthday"
Hb sounds stupid, sure it's "easier" but really is it that much of an effort to write "happy birthday"
When my birthday rolls around, I don't want to see a single "hb" written on my wall, if you are going to write something please write "happy birthday"
Hb can stand for anything,
Hubba Bubba
Hungry butterfly
Henry Banks
Hairy bum cheeks
Hateful bumblebees
Etc
But happy birthday has one straightforward message
I hope your birthday is happy.
See... Straightforward"

What Michael Jackson means to me

"If I was to define this man and what he means to me in one sentence... I can't, it's impossible.
Michael Joseph Jackson is not only my hero, but he is much more. Ask anyone, my life is all about mike, it has been for a long time. In just 3 days it will be 5 years since he died. 
People say it's weird that I follow michael like Jesus. Maybe they're right but in my eyes michael was God.
Nothing, can ever change my view on Michael. Every day he inspires me to be a better person, everyday when I wake up and look at my magnificent collection of posters I feel like he is my guardian angel I feel him watching over me. In fact, in about December I personally went through a hard time I sat and cried but then I felt a touch on my shoulder and I swear to god I heard mikes voice telling me that it was all gonna be ok. Every day I think of how Michael has changed my life for the better, his motivational songs about war, the earth, and lies that people tell somehow make me aware of the world around me. His quotes, poems, stories, paintings and speeches often bring me to tears of joy as such talent has moonwalked into my life. He once said "I don't care if the whole world is against you, or teasing you or saying you're not gonna make it. Believe in yourself no matter what."
This is a quote I live by, if someone tells me to give up... I am not going to, this quote gives me strength, as does michaels voice and pure talent.
Why did we lose such a great human being?"

The disabled child

"The following story happened on Saturday

Mum was talking to me and my sister before a party started.

Mum: now, my friend is bringing her niece, be nice to her. She might talk a bit different to you guys and she might walk a bit funny. She has some disabilities, she's your age Tegan...

Me and Tegan: ok.

When the girl came, Tegan went and played with her for a bit until Tegan's other friends came over.

The girl, Tegan and her friends went in the pool. The girl couldn't swim so she stayed on the step while Tegan and her friends went and had a blast in the deep end.

I was just enjoying the party when I realised that the little girl was all alone. When I was younger I was often excluded because I was the 'strange' one.
I walked inside and got my go pro camera.
I got a bit of footage of the other kids and then handed the camera to the girl. She filmed a bit from the step. But I could tell she still felt excluded. Then I started a wave thing on the camera where I'd film one person or a group of people doing a wave motion with their hand then I'd put it together. I got the girl to start it. Then moved on to the men and the women then the other kids.

But seeing the girl smile made me feel so happy inside. Knowing that I'd made someone feel welcome and included in an activity like everyone else. And when she saw herself on the tv when we showed it to her she smiled again. There is no better feeling than making a disabled child smile."

STILL A BIG KID

The other day, I went to Kmart.
I had $50
I bought the whole 8th season of Spongebob.
Mum laughed at me thinking it was a joke when I said I was going to buy it.

But the truth is

I'M STILL A KID!

I may get on better with people who are older but I love childish things. I love kid shows, I sleep with a teddy bear I also love Themeparks and cartoons. 

Every time I get control of the TV, I go to ABC3, ABC kids or Nickelodeon (maybe that's why people don't let me get the remote.)

But really, I am still a kid. Don't let the 15 year old disguise fool you. 

So I smile and say "Watch me."

Living in a smallish town and having a huge goal is a bit of a struggle. 

Hi, my name is Callie
Since a young child, I have had big dreams.
No seriously, I was born to do something, something big.
I can feel it!
Without bragging, I can say that I've had people tell me I will go far, and a friend recently told me that I am a star in the making.

It feels good when people say these things

But unfortunately there's a flip side...
People think that because I am a member of St John Ambulance, that I need to get a job in the medical field.

This annoys me on so many levels

Especially when this happens....

Person: So do you want to be a paramedic?
Me: No
Person: Oh, so what do you want to be? A nurse?
Me: Nah, a movie director

And this is where they either give me a weird look, say "thats a jump" or sometimes they can be positive and say "It's nice to have goals..."

Now, what do I do when someone is being negative?

Simple...
I just smile and say "Watch me."

Now, my dream of being a film director seems to be impossible to people.
But one thing which people don't seem to understand
IS THAT IT'S BEEN DONE BEFORE
Look at Spielberg, Jackson, Burton and Lucas
In fact, look at all film directors

Do you people think they were born award winning film directors? 
No, they were 15 years old once, they were babies once, heck, they probably once didn't know what a film directors job is.
I often wonder if there were ignorant people in their lives who told them that they couldn't do it. I wonder what they think about when they are doing what they love, do they remember these people? Do these people go to see their movies and remember back to that time?

Just some food for thought...

I'm really stubborn when it comes to my brother

So today I was watching the bigpond movies extra channel on our TBox

It is a rare thing for me to have control of the TV so I was watching a thing which had behind the scenes of a few movies. I was looking at how different films are made when suddenly a segment for wolf creek 2 came on. I was still paying close attention to how the film was made, I was EXPANDING MY MIND!!!

Then this happened.... 
Dylan (my brother): Hey dad, have you seen that?
Dad: Nope
Dylan: We should hire it on the T-Box
Dad: Ok, Callie pass the remote

No. Look, i'm sorry but I am learning something here. I'm not rotting my brain with something which I find uninteresting. And for once, I had the remote!!
In my family, Dad gets the remote 50% of the time, Tegan 29%, mum 20% and me 1%
Dylan doesn't really care.

And what I was watching, I could have taken notes which could have helped me in the future.
But no.

So, me being stubborn when it comes to my family (especially to Dylan) I thought i'd stand my ground.

Me: No, I'm watching this.
Dylan: It's not scary

Ok
So for anyone who doesn't know me, I LOVE HORROR MOVIES
So for him to say that really pisses me off.

Eventually, I just gave in.

So they hired the movie so i decided to go to my room and research some film techniques. 

me: Ok well i'm going to my room

Tegan: Why are you scared?? 

Me: no I just don't find this interesting 

Tegan: Yeah right you're scared

Finding myself

Something fascinating about us humans is that we never really stop learning about ourselves.
The past year has been a huge learning point for me.
I learnt things about myself when I thought I already knew everything.
It's hard for me to provide an example without getting too personal.

But this really gets me thinking about the people who say they know everything about me.

How could you know everything about me when I don't even completely know myself? 

Do you know anyone like this? And really, how well do you know yourself? 

I went through a stage last year when I was just trying to unlock everything about myself, I thought I knew everything! 

• I thought I knew who my friends were.
• I thought I knew what type of a person I was.
• I thought I knew where I stood in the big scheme of things.

But experience has proved me wrong and, even today I have learnt something new about myself.