50 facts about me

I have a lot of time on my hands so I thought I would try to type as many facts about myself that I can before running out of facts.

HERE GOES NOTHING

1. My name is Callie Ann Rose Bercini
2. Rose is my confirmation name, she is apparently the saint of charity?
3. "Ann" is a middle name that has been passed down from my great grandmother who's name is Ann, my nan is Kerrie Ann, mum is Jodie Ann, I am Callie Ann and my little sister chose "anne" as her confirmation name so she wouldn't feel left out.
4. I actually really don't like introducing myself as "Callie" I hate how I say it because I just hate the sound of it so sometimes I introduce myself as "Cal"
5. I hate it when people mispronounce my last name, whenever I order a pizza and they ask for my last name, I say "Watson" because it is my mums maiden name.
6. I have just wrote 5 facts based on my name
7. I find this amusing
8. My eyes are blue but I have been told that they change colour sometimes.
9. I love superheroes and Batman
10. My favourite singer is Michael Jackson
11. I have a large collection of nicknames these include: grimmie, grimsta, war-zie, wugga, sunshine, little MJ, Batman also a collection of names starting with "Cal" such as: cal-dawg, cal-pal, cal-gal and callie wally
12. I pretty much answer to anything though
13. My favourite colours are blue and purple
14. My favourite number is 4
15. I love it when people make reference to Michael Jackson songs
16. I sometimes accidentally speak in different accents which annoys me
17. I am able to recognize most MJ songs by just the drumbeat or bass line.
18. I am actually really insecure
19. My birthday is the 19th of August
20. I get embarrassed easily and am also really shy
21. I am strongly against alcohol
22. I procrastinate a lot
23. I want to be a movie director some day
24. I am not too fussy with food however I haven't eaten cheese that wasn't melted since I was little (yes I only eat cheese when it's melted) I don't like butter on bread (i know i'm weird) and yogurt unless its frozen
25. Saying all this, I would probably eat all this with a straight face in order to not be rude or cause dramas
26. I am terrible in intense situations... I laugh. People cry? I laugh. Getting yelled at? I laugh. Why? Because laughter is contagious and when people cry I want them to laugh in order to stop crying. Or maybe its just a reflex.
27. I have asthma
28. I also possibly have chronic fatigue syndrome
29. I hate being a teenager
30. I have a turtle named Crush and my sister has a turtle named Squirtle
31. I quote MJ songs in every day life all the time
32. I see dead people and have predicted the future before multiple times
33. I love travelling
34. I really don't understand myself
35. I am really forgetful sometimes
36. I don't follow trends too often
38. apparently I can't count
38  37. I have a burning desire to help people
38. I have thought of suicide in the past but I'm still here
39. I often over think things
40. I am a wallflower
41. when I was younger, I wanted to be an author
42. But I think film is best for me
43. I have a wide music taste and am open to new music but fear that one day people will be listening to music that has no feeling
44. I am keen for the future but also slightly scared
45. I look up to many people
46. I trust too many people
47.  I am running out of facts
48. I have a youtube channel.... you should check it out "grimstaroxx"
49. I will make it to 50 facts and then I will stop
50. I try to make my own life interesting for you all, and yeah you just read 50 facts
 

My first kiss

Okay HELLO EVERYONE IT'S STORY TIME
Today I thought I would share with you my first kiss story
As I mentioned earlier, I have only just got into my first relationship (2 months today)
So as an inexperienced kisser, I was a little bit scared and nervous when my boyfriend said he was going to kiss me.
The next day at school, my hands shook as I thought about what he'd said the night before, and then he looked at me with a lot of love in his eyes. I was afraid of kissing him because I didn't want to disappoint him even though I knew that he wouldn't care too much if I was a terrible kisser.
So a whole school day passed and we were on the bus, our friends wanted us to kiss, I wanted to kiss him but was afraid of failing at it and making him hate me for it.
Weird fear right?

ANYWAY
For me it was my first kiss, he'd kissed people before so he knew what he was doing.
So as the bus got closer to his bus stop he moved n closer to me and his lips pressed up to mine, I was scared of judgement so I said "sorry, that was terrible"
What. The. Feck? YOU DON'T SAY THAT!!

Its a gift I have, say the wrong thing.
He laughed and said "Wanna try again?"
So we kissed again.
I don't know what it was, how you could classify it. But I felt so embarrassed that i'd failed and said "I'm so sorry, I'm bad at this"
He wrapped his arms around me, and I think we were hugging for like 10 seconds as he said "It's okay, you're alright" I buried my face into his shoulder in attempt to hide my embarrassment.

My first kiss was interesting but this is what happens when you are an awkward teen. Would I kiss him again? Hell yeah! Although it was slightly awkward, I felt so alive and knowing that he still loves me even if i'm a bad kisser brought so much happiness into my life.
It has taken 3 days for me to be able to write about this and finally get my thoughts into words.
Just wanted to say I fecking love my boyfriend!

When people say they want to be just like me.

It has been in recent years when I have had a number of people tell me that they want to be just like me.
How do I feel about this?

Well...
You don't want to be like me.
Really you really don't.

I mean sure it may seem great to you.
But please don't be like me.

As a youngster, I always imagined myself to grow up to be carefree, to be free spirited, I imagined exactly what I would look like. I didn't have any scars (not self harm scars.... I hate it when people mention scars and get automatically labelled as depressed like haven't you people ever heard of life scars, you know from unintentional harm?) in my vision, I was tanned, my eyes were more blue, my figure was slimmer, my confidence was higher.

I grew up to be NOTHING like i'd visioned myself to be.

Slight disappointment

I never thought I would grow up to be an awkward kid filled with anxieties and crazy unimaginable stress.

I never thought I would be consumed by these anxieties. I never thought I would be a victim of panic attacks over small things.

And sure, my life has gotten significantly better in the past year, some may see my achievements as an inspiration. But young child, you do not want to be just like me. I am a confused mess behind closed doors, on the surface I am cool, calm and collected but underneath I am probably on the verge of a panic attack or having/ losing an argument with myself.

Stay awesome guys and please serve as your own inspiration, create your own path. No, create your own road, your own city. Create your own life.